Look. Im Me . Deal with it. Or Dont. I didnt make you click this saying read this. I wear blue more than anyother color because it make me feel a bit prettier. I dont have as much self confidence as i should. I dont have the 'high fashion look' Im an axpect at making EVERYTHING FUCKING THING awkward. I can not spell to save my life. Im getting more and more depressed feeling as each day goes by. I dont always feel loved. I have watched a friend say to another friend that she beautiful, and then turn aroud and say "im not sure why everyone likes her, shes not very pretty", and cant help but wonder if thats what people do to me. I can get pissed pretty easily, but usually only when people are jerks. It hurts when people say im violent. I only act violent to certain people so they dont mess with me. Climbing, to me, is my soul reason for feeling beautiful. ever. I have a little wittle bit more confidence when climbing. I hate feeling leftbehind. I hate feeling forgotten. I hate feeling leftout. I cry a lot more than anyone will ever see. I feel happy when it rains. I strongly dislike spiders. Reading is my own way of getting out of my world. I may suck at it, but i love drawing/painting, it lets my mind flow freely. I play flute. I care about my friends. I want to melt into walls when i mess up.And i do that a lot. Im not feeling very good right now and feel that i needed to right something. I love being told im good at climbing. I hate the awkwardness after people say it.
I have a crush ona person who likes someone else who is amzing, beautiful, funny, cool, and ALL of the boys like her.
She is a climbing beast.
I dont like being the weakest person on big crimpin.
I climb so much and sometimes feel like im going nowhere.
Music is my other escape.
I feel like my best friend is being stolen.
My eyes change color.
Dont tell me to shut up, No one is forcing you to listen.
I love climbing with all my heart.
zoe,
ReplyDeletei wish you knew how much of this is also true for me. I relate to this post SO much. I don't have self confidence, I think i'm fat, i won't wear a bathing suit around others, sometimes i feel like nobody likes me and they just act like they do because they feel bad for me, I cry more than you can imagine - mostly secretly, i'm way too sensitive, i often feel like im going nowhere in climbing, it makes me feel bad that some kids on big crimpin are stronger than me, it also hurts how i'm not the same strong indoor climber that i used to be who always won the comps with ease, and so on.
But can i just tell you something? I am being completely truthful. I don't lie about shit like this.
1. You're beautiful. and you'll only get more beautiful as you grow up and mature. I love your long hair and you have amazing eyes. Please listen to me! I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
2. Sometimes you're awkward, but a lot of people are at your age. I was! I was very awkward. It got better as i grew up though... just keep being more social with people. I think climbing is really helping you with this though, because you have been much more social in the last year with people at the gym, and i have noticed that it is dying down! Don't worry about this.
3. You're so fucking good at climbing. It's ridiculous how good you are, and how fast you got good. I don't see you climb all the time so I can really tell a huge difference everytime i see you climb! You see yourself climb everyday so you can't tell how good you are getting. Many people are talking about you lately - they are talking about how damn good you're getting. Seriously. And it's true. You are open hand crimping some sick stuff, girl. I'm super proud. I hope you'll always remember me when you start crushing BIG TIME and are super famous! FOR REAL!!!!!!!
4. I don't know who you have a crush on these days, but good luck with everything. You'll have a chance with anyone - you're the strongest climber girl your age around.... guys think that's hot!
5. I really like you as a person. You're really cool. I love how strong you are. I love your art and doodles. I love how in tune you are with fairies. I love how kind you are. I love how much fruit you eat. I love your blog. You're such a cool person. Thanks for being friends with me.
Keep your head up!
Love, Ashley